❤️

The sky's on fire again.  
Run down this alleyway.
Lightning bolts again and we become fireflies just flashing at the air.
Rattle garbage cans.  
Prepare to be ravaged by our lust burning mad, the fire that we've become.
And I know you're under me but I must confess what's in my head:
To me you are the light from a light bulb that breaks sometimes
and the tender warmth inside is released into my life

New Years Resolution

I'm laying in my cozy bed with my son next to me consumed in Toy Story 2. James is picking up Rae from school so I have this weird thing called free time? I KNOW!!!!!!!

Anyway, I'm just going through Pinterest for some inspiration & getting  sidetracked while accidentally quoting the movie. (I'm a total Disney buff) I'm trying to figure out what type of resolution what I want to make this year. New Years is right around the corner & I haven't even put any thought into my expectations. 

I mean there's the typical & basic stuff: of course I want to work out and eat better. I might even grow my hair out this year. Emphasizing on the "might" by the way. But mostly I just want to concentrate on baking & cooking. I want to excel in meals I never dreamed of eating or recreating myself. I want to create desserts my kids will talk about for weeks to come & experiment with pastries this coming year. I have this fire inside me that burns everytime I'm in the kitchen. It's more than a hobby, it's a passion.  

Lastly I want to create more experiences with my family. More road trips, more amusement parks, more Disney sing-a-longs, more creating together, more everything. 

I have a positive intuition on this coming year & all the sweet treats & memories that will come along  with it. 

Happy birthday Raegan!!!

Today my kawaii princess turns eight years old! Normally I craft for three months on a themed & detailed birthday party. But this year my tween decided she'd rather go out of town for the weekend and go to Six Flags. She's a total thrill seeker this girl. No fear what so ever. I love it! So we booked the hotel, daddy took that weekend off and we purchased our tickets to the park & planned a fun-filled get away. But momma still has to do SOMETHING! So we filled the day with everything Rae loves.

We woke her up extra early by spraying her with silly string and laughing like crazies. It was awesome!! We picked up a dozen of Rae's favorite donuts and went into a sugar induced coma. Chocolate sprinkles, glazed, chocolate filled and cherry sprinkled. 

Last night I baked a ridiculous amount of cupcakes for her whole class 

and also baked her birthday cake. My daughter is really into j-pop, kawaii things, pink, candy, anime & anything that sparkles. So I channeled that when decorating the dinning area/her treats & cake. 

Last night we also set up her doll house, her new keyboard and stand, and all of the little extra birthday decoration.

Since today is a school day Rae did have to attend because, duh. So she wore an awesome crown, sash and I curled up her hair. At lunch time I took her a mighty kids meal and we sat and talked about why build-a-bear is a rip off...but how she still needs one. Ha. 

At dinner time the family came over & we ordered pizza, sang her happy birthday & ate tons of cake. 

I made her a sprinkle cake with a birthday bunting. It came out really cute if I do say so myself. I followed a few tutorials on YouTube that I pined from Pinterest. 

Basically what you do is bake all of your layers of cake (I used four) and let them cool. After they all cool begin to cut each later to flatten even so when you stack your cakes there is no gaps. Inbetween layers you'll want to layout and smooth a generous portion of frosting or filling of choice. (I used a strawberry marshmallow frosting) after you have all of your layers stacked evenly put the first layer of frosting around the entire sides of the cake evenly. Not the top and not the bottom. This usually is called a crumb coat. Place in the freezer for 10-15 minutes after you've placed on your crumb coat to harden the frosting. After the frosting has hardened, you'll do another layer evenly. After this layer stick your icing knife under the cake and lift sideways so it's in your hand and use your other hand to hold the top. Roll out the sprinkles on a clean baking sheets (do this before) and literally roll the cake (holding tightly) around the sprinkles until fully coated. To add sprinkles to the top just use a spoon and evenly pour them on top of the cake and press down with your knife into the icing gently to make it even. 

Grow.

Today is day eight of my life style change. Although yesterday pretty much didn't exist since the kids & I picked up a nasty stomach bug. I sanitized everything, cooked a simple clean dinner & upped our probiotics for the day. 

Every week I make mini goals for myself. This weekend I'm working using my mini green thumb to sprout. I don't know why, but I'm really excited to try my hand at this. This week I'm working with seeds & beans. A sprout is basically a plant that is right in the process of germinating. Nuts, seeds, grains, and legumes have many locked up nutritional advantages that can be released by sprouting. Once the germination process begins via sprouting, any anti-nutrients like phytic acid are cast aside and you are able to absorb the vital vitamins and

Sprouting increases your nutrient absorption, makes food easier to digest, decreases antinutrients & phytic acid, increases protien availability, increases fiber content & so much more. 

I'm starting simple with chia in this batch. I'm using farm fresh egg shells from the farmers market that I cleaned out. The bottom photo are sprouts I purchased at the farmers market & I also have chickpeas soaking.

Usually I place them in my salad, I eat them with avocados, throw them in my smoothies, put them on sandwiches and so on, so I can eat them raw in their most nutritional form. 

Update on oil pulling: it's been eight full days without toothpaste & only oil pulling with coconut oil. Before starting I had been having tooth pains near my wisdom tooth area. Unfortunately I have enough room in my mouth so I never had to get mine remove. That doesn't change the pain that comes with then cutting through. But I noticed last night that u haven't been in pain all week. I also suffer from frequent headaches. Ever since I was a teen. With the exception of yesterday (throwing up) I haven't had a headache either. I did some research, and I don't know medically 100%, but from my research I read how it helps with head aches & decreases tooth pain. It's been really nice not having to take medication for my head pounding or my tooth ache. I haven't taken a single medication at all in eight days. 

Roasted chickpeas

Chickpeas are one of my favorite versatile foods. The benefits are great for you and they taste pretty darn good. 

High in fiber, good source of protein,  improves heart health, iron boost, stabilizes blood sugar, can assist with weight loss, lowers inflammation, beneficial for digesting, the list goes on and on. Did I mention they taste good? Especially when you roast them. Today I made a bbq blend for my salads & a raw honey & cinnamon blend for snacking.

 (Weekend is over so it's back to clean eating. Always 80/20)

I used fresh chickpeas & slowcooked then overnight in my crockpot. Before dropping my daughter off at school I drained the beans & laud them on a kitchen towel to dry. In order for them to roast properly they NEED to be full dry. 

Bbq blend: 

2 teaspoons coconut oil

1 teaspoon paprika

1 teaspoon garlic powder

1 teaspoon onion powder

1 teaspoon chili powder

1 tablespoon vinegar

2 teaspoons organic sugar cane 

• preheat the oven to 400.

• line a cookie sheet with parchment paper.

• after the beans are fully dry, toss them around in the blend. 

• place beans evenly on cookie sheet & place in oven.

• roast for about 45 minutes.

It's that simple. 

For the cinnamon & honey blend:

• 1 tablespoon raw organic honey 

• 1-2 teaspoons organic cinnamon 

• 1/2 teaspoon ginger 

• 1/2 teaspoon nutmeg 

• preheat oven to 400

• line a cookie sheet with parchment paper.

• evenly lay out beans and roast in oven for 40 minutes.

• while hot, toss the chickpeas in the blend and place back into oven for ten minutes. 

Storybook Pumpkin Project

My daughters school is having a storybook pumpkin decorating contest. The rules are simple: decorate a pumpkin  creatively (no carving or puncturing) like your favorite storybook character. 

My daughter chose 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' as her book & picked "Sally" as her character. 

We used:

• Acrylic paint

• 1 pumpkin

• Glue gun + glue sticks

• Red yard 

• Scissors 

• 1 large poster board 

• Paint brushes 

• Crayons

• Markers 

First we painted the pumpkin all around with Apple Barrel #21973E Summer Sky. This blue pops & is really close to her actual color in the book. 

This took sometime to get the entire thing even. Be sure the pumpkin is dry when you apply new layers or it will peel. Next we added the eyes & features after the blue was dry. 

Then we cut long strands of red yard to make her rag doll hair. Because the glue gun is very hot I glued on the yard to the pumpkin. 

While the pumpkin dried yet again we worked on Sally's dress to attach. We made the neck extra long & thin to stick underneath the pumpkin. 

After it was all colored we cut it out & attached it to the pumpkin.

And this was our finished product for the storybook pumpkin contest. 

Medicated Gummies

My two year old son just came down with the worst cold. If your toddler is anything like mine then I'm pretty positive they HATE taking medicine. He's stuffy, running fever, coughing, all of the above with this cold. I tried giving him the medicine with the syringe but he instantly spit it out. Son, I'm trying to get you better!!! 

Anyway, a year or so ago I learned the benefits of natural gelatin & making healthy gummies. Which we all know toddlers LOVE candy. 

 (Here is a link to a good read if you're uninformed on the benefits of natural getatin: http://www.grassfedgirl.com/top-20-health-benefits-of-gelatin-helps-prevent-arthritis-cellulite-stretch-marks-wrinkles-brittle-bones-and-more/)

*But guys, it needs to be NATURAL! Not that crap next to the Jello at your local grocery store. 

Okay, so here's what I did. First you need your medication. I'm not going to put doses because every toddler ranges.  First I looked at the dose for my sons age & weight. I pored it into the cup that came with the medicine & set aside. 

Next I put a small pot on low heat with a splash of organic sugar free cranberry juice & let it heat just a little bit. To about luke warm. I put in one teaspoon of gelatin, and mixed vigorously so it didn't clump. Turn off heat & remove from heat. Next I poured in the medicine to the cranberry mixture and mixed. (Remember you are NOT cooking the medication)

Next you pour the mix into your molds. (Remember the dose you poured into the cup is for one serving. So however many gummies you create from this batch your child can eat safely) **only make one dose at a time. 

Place mold in refrigerator for about twenty minutes. That's it! You have gummy medicine that your toddler won't spit out! 

Maka Albarn DIY kids cosplay

So this year my daughter decided as a cosplay for Realmscon & for Halloween she wanted to be Maka Albarn from Soul Eater. It's her all-around favorite anime.

We started by thrifting the basic pieces to her cosplay. The white shirt, yellow vest, striped tie & red plaid skirt.All together we spent about $3. 

Here's a side by side. 

Her wig I ordered on eBay for $15.

My best friend made Rae the coat. It came out perfect! 

Next came her weapon, a scythe that's Soul Evans in weapon form. In the anime the scythe is massive. So I knew her's needed to also be big but light for her to hold in the cosplay contest 

First I drew out the shape of the  scythe on two full size poster boards to use as s blueprint. My boyfriend cut out the shape with a razor on cardboard x2  for sturdiness.

For the base we had a long curtain rod from our old house. It's hallow, the exact shape we needed & light. So it worked perfect. 

Next we started tapping the pieces together with duck tap. Lots & lots of duck tap. We started at the tip of the  scythe and worked our way up to the eye. The reinforce I added crumbled paper in the center of the blade since it created a pocket. This gives it dimension. Also the eye part is stuffed with crumbled paper & taped shut.

Then I paper mâchéd the whole thing to have a smooth surface to paint on. )For my glue I used three parts water to three parts flour and heated it just before it boiled. The glue was perfect, thick & held really well.)

I let it dry outside for two days. 

Then it was time to paint it. 

It took a lot of layers but eventually..... 

And this was our finished product! 

The boots I thrifted for $4 & added stripes of white duck tape. 

She loved it & the cosplay was a huge hit! We couldn't walk ten steps without someone stopping her to take a photo!

Embracing being a SAHM

Summer of 2015 brought lots of emotions and waves of uncertainty for me. I started doubting myself and began to dwell on everything & anything. 

My boyfriend works grueling hours to support our family. He pays every single bill single handedly. I respect & admire him so much for everything he is, and every everything he does.

 Before him & I became a couple, had our son & made one family, I was a single mom working two jobs for my daughter & myself. One at the State School as a DSP & the other as a CNA for outpatient care. 

I worked over night and into the next full morning and hardly slept. But I paid all of my bills, my daughters daycare, my car all on my own. It was rewarding to be a single mom doing it on my own. I even purchased my first brand new car all on my own. 

Flash forward three years and I'm a stay at home mom of two. I began to feel degraded & useless. This mindset was seeping into my daily thoughts & poisoning my days. I felt a darkness shadowing over me and I started to pity myself. What was my purpose now?  Who am I now? I missed being that independent women holding down life single handedly. I missed people looking up to me and giving me positive feed back on my actions and how I was doing. I missed being important. 

How do you explain this to your long term boyfriend who works 12 hours a day? "I'm tried of staying home" you'll get the "id take your place in a heartbeat" reaction. Because honestly, who wouldn't? 

A few days ago I had an eye opening experience. Still in my slum it was the first day of school for my daughter. My boyfriend called in so we could take and pick up her up on her first day of second grade. I do things without thinking twice or giving notice. Got  myself up, woke up both kids, got their teeth brushed, fed, dressed, hair done, shoes on, checked back pack, drove to school, walked her to class, drove home, made breakfast.... And so on. My boyfriend was still trying to peel himself out of bed. 

Later we went shopping & my cranky toddler was just being...well, cranky. I could sense a tantrum coming on but I'm immune to them by now. Plus I'm pretty good at defusing them. But my boyfriend was losing his mind! "Does he always act like this? What's wrong with him? I just want to go home" I laughed and said "yeah. He's a toddler." 

Same thing at ihop that afternoon. Not to mention the glass of ice water my son spilled on us. My boyfriend was ready to go home the minute that happened. 

Then it hit me. Maybe he thinks he could do what I do, but honestly? He wouldn't last a day. I'm mommy: I'm an alarm clock, a personal assistant, a chef, an artist, a chauffeur, a stylist, a photographer, a teacher, a nurse, I am so much more than Ive ever been! I do have a purpose & I am important. 

My childern depend on me every single day. They need me. And to be needed, that's the most rewarding feeling. I still am independent, just in a different way. I am my own drive. 

I'm embracing this chapter in parenting and I'm grateful  I get to be the one to take full care of both my childern. No day cares, no babysitters, no grandparents. I get to experience every milestone, I get to kiss every boo-boo, I have all the crazy stories to tell, I have the most stains on my clothes, I get to enjoy this incredible bond of love & joy. 

Being a SAHM is no joke. Some days I want to pull out my hair from the root. Some days I crave adult interaction. Some days coffee doesn't seem like a strong enough drink. Some days I just want to stay in bed. But we dont get  sick days, paid vacation, pay checks, bonuses, insurance, benefits. Yet we are 100% taking care of these tiny human.

 Think about it, we feed, cloth, bath, teach them to: talk, walk, read, write, we commute them, we are their shadow until they are able to began doing something's on their own. But honestly, our childern will always be our childern. This job has a loooooong contract. 

Looking over right now at my son in my bed, he's clean, already bathed, teeth brushed, full belly, in his pj's. It's all because of me. Yeah, we work late too. I don't go to bed until both my childern are asleep & our apartment is clean, and everything's ready for the next day. No overtime pay here. 

Moral to all of this? Stay at home mothers are bad ass! We do it ALL & still cook dinner & craft up a birthday party with a migraine. Sure our clothes have stains & our hair might be a mess, but we're mothers & we embrace it with all its beautiful & messy glory. 

Homemade Sopaipillas.

Ingredients (10 to 12)

• 4 cups sifted flour
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• 1 tablespoon sea salt
• 1 tablespoon sugar
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 1/3 cup warm water
• More vegetable oil for frying (at least 2 1/2 cups)

What to do: 

1. In the bowl whisk the flour, baking powder, salt and sugar together.

 2.Create a small ditch in the center and pour in the vegetable oil. 

Whisk in the oil. ( It will incorporate unevenly into little clumps, this is okay.

3. Gently pour in the warm water and knead the dough until it is smooth. gently knead in the bowl until the dough sticks together. Place on a lightly floured surface and continue until the dough is smooth.

4. Divide the dough in half, and seal each half in a zipper lock bag or plastic wrap to rest the dough while you heat the oil for frying.

5. Heat frying oil in a stove oven, or in a heavy duty frying pan, to around 340 to 350 degrees. The oil should be at least 2 inches deep.

6. Remove one portion of dough and roll out on a clean, flourless surface. Roll the dough to a thickness of 1/8 inch. Using a pizza cutter, cut the dough into squares approximately 4 X 4 for a nice restaurant look. (I personally don't mind frying up the extra triangles that are left.)

 7. Place a sheet of plastic wrap over the rolled out dough. It's very important the dough stay moist and not dry out, or it won't puff.

8. Gently place an individual square of dough into the hot oil. It should begin to puff up within about 5 seconds. I like to use a large spoon or tongs to carefully splash oil over the top, this really seems to help the sopaipilla puff. Once it's finished puffing up, fry until it reaches a light golden brown on both sides. Place in a large bowl lined with paper towels. Repeat with the remaining dough. Serve immediately with honey.