My boyfriend works grueling hours to support our family. He pays every single bill single handedly. I respect & admire him so much for everything he is, and every everything he does.
Before him & I became a couple, had our son & made one family, I was a single mom working two jobs for my daughter & myself. One at the State School as a DSP & the other as a CNA for outpatient care.
I worked over night and into the next full morning and hardly slept. But I paid all of my bills, my daughters daycare, my car all on my own. It was rewarding to be a single mom doing it on my own. I even purchased my first brand new car all on my own.
Flash forward three years and I'm a stay at home mom of two. I began to feel degraded & useless. This mindset was seeping into my daily thoughts & poisoning my days. I felt a darkness shadowing over me and I started to pity myself. What was my purpose now? Who am I now? I missed being that independent women holding down life single handedly. I missed people looking up to me and giving me positive feed back on my actions and how I was doing. I missed being important.
How do you explain this to your long term boyfriend who works 12 hours a day? "I'm tried of staying home" you'll get the "id take your place in a heartbeat" reaction. Because honestly, who wouldn't?
A few days ago I had an eye opening experience. Still in my slum it was the first day of school for my daughter. My boyfriend called in so we could take and pick up her up on her first day of second grade. I do things without thinking twice or giving notice. Got myself up, woke up both kids, got their teeth brushed, fed, dressed, hair done, shoes on, checked back pack, drove to school, walked her to class, drove home, made breakfast.... And so on. My boyfriend was still trying to peel himself out of bed.
Later we went shopping & my cranky toddler was just being...well, cranky. I could sense a tantrum coming on but I'm immune to them by now. Plus I'm pretty good at defusing them. But my boyfriend was losing his mind! "Does he always act like this? What's wrong with him? I just want to go home" I laughed and said "yeah. He's a toddler."
Same thing at ihop that afternoon. Not to mention the glass of ice water my son spilled on us. My boyfriend was ready to go home the minute that happened.
Then it hit me. Maybe he thinks he could do what I do, but honestly? He wouldn't last a day. I'm mommy: I'm an alarm clock, a personal assistant, a chef, an artist, a chauffeur, a stylist, a photographer, a teacher, a nurse, I am so much more than Ive ever been! I do have a purpose & I am important.
My childern depend on me every single day. They need me. And to be needed, that's the most rewarding feeling. I still am independent, just in a different way. I am my own drive.
I'm embracing this chapter in parenting and I'm grateful I get to be the one to take full care of both my childern. No day cares, no babysitters, no grandparents. I get to experience every milestone, I get to kiss every boo-boo, I have all the crazy stories to tell, I have the most stains on my clothes, I get to enjoy this incredible bond of love & joy.
Being a SAHM is no joke. Some days I want to pull out my hair from the root. Some days I crave adult interaction. Some days coffee doesn't seem like a strong enough drink. Some days I just want to stay in bed. But we dont get sick days, paid vacation, pay checks, bonuses, insurance, benefits. Yet we are 100% taking care of these tiny human.
Think about it, we feed, cloth, bath, teach them to: talk, walk, read, write, we commute them, we are their shadow until they are able to began doing something's on their own. But honestly, our childern will always be our childern. This job has a loooooong contract.
Looking over right now at my son in my bed, he's clean, already bathed, teeth brushed, full belly, in his pj's. It's all because of me. Yeah, we work late too. I don't go to bed until both my childern are asleep & our apartment is clean, and everything's ready for the next day. No overtime pay here.
Moral to all of this? Stay at home mothers are bad ass! We do it ALL & still cook dinner & craft up a birthday party with a migraine. Sure our clothes have stains & our hair might be a mess, but we're mothers & we embrace it with all its beautiful & messy glory.
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